Despair

feeling despair in the confines of my own mind...but I dont dare to cross the lines of happiness and for some reason I dont care...my body cant handle that kind of wear and tear so I just sit and stare....it feels weird to fear happiness...though laughin wouldnt be bad I cant force it...and it feels funny when its not honestly coerced...the irony is sickening isnt it??...my whole life is diminished to cerebral functions without motor action and its sickening...soundless sounds pound into my head and its deafening...soft touches tickle me but I feel nothing...I'm happily confined to the desparity in my own mind...the irony is sickening isnt it??