just what I feel

See I used to feel like you were all the sustenance I needed because I loved you…but the mustiness of your deceptive heart turned my stomach out to what your true intentions were…see the cruelty of it all was, you, yourself didn’t know what it was…but when the odor shattered that beautiful gimmick of a sent you had going on and began to mimic what your heart had in store, you panicked and walked out the back door…trying to avoid conflict, you manipulated your words and actions to deceive me not knowing I’d already smelled the bullshit, but loved you none the less…see loving you filled me up and made me happier than any food or dessert could…it in itself was my sustenance and aphrodisiac…it was natural and I smothered myself in it…you were it and I couldn’t get the feeling off of my membrane, the thought off of my cerebrum or the warmth out of the once cold instrument that beat ice on under my left chest…because the jest of emotional attachments were so far gone I’d never longed for anything more than that of an emotional attachment…see I don’t love many people, but to feel it for someone who would easily walk out of my life without even checking to see if the door was locked was entirely my fault…see I’ve come to the realization that the only sustenance I need is me, everyone else is just grass that needs to be cut whenever they grow too close to what may be true love or physical lust…see you were what I intend to be for myself in order to maintain and sustain the mentality of one who needs no one anymore…people are only useful for physical stimulation in this simulation we go through called life…see the agony and depression we go through at the cost of losing a loved one is the worst kind of stipulation there is in this simulation where selfishness is up the stocks and love/selflessness is in a recession…so I prefer the emulation of an iceberg applied to my mental and emotional whereas my physical is just as esteemed as a brand new car, driven carefully and handled well…

Despair

feeling despair in the confines of my own mind...but I dont dare to cross the lines of happiness and for some reason I dont care...my body cant handle that kind of wear and tear so I just sit and stare....it feels weird to fear happiness...though laughin wouldnt be bad I cant force it...and it feels funny when its not honestly coerced...the irony is sickening isnt it??...my whole life is diminished to cerebral functions without motor action and its sickening...soundless sounds pound into my head and its deafening...soft touches tickle me but I feel nothing...I'm happily confined to the desparity in my own mind...the irony is sickening isnt it??

I Liked Her

I told her I liked her and she was real cool...she said the same and that we meshed, I agreed cause it was crazy how true it felt..but I digress...she transgressed and left me depressed for the same reasons she claims we meshed....its funny to me now but back then I'd coerced myself into embellished thoughts....eventually fruitful but not beautiful, they were meant, not dreamt and permanet like the seams of a perfect dress...she wore my emotions in a seemliness only she could fit...my tongue I wish I bit, for the blame for this pain was none but mine for I dine...

Anger

anger is my sanity
anger is my clarity
anger is my guiding light
anger is my hearts inner sight
anger is my nights greatest asset
anger always helps me pass lifes test
I fucks with anger cause its always dependable and never blind to the hind side of things
I fucks with anger cause in this shit hole motherfuckers call life
anger keeps me on point so I dont end up livin the life of the rich and confined or the poor and free
I fucks with anger because it isnt inconclusive but rather decisive
Its me at my best

I Say

"I say I love your smile because its the most beautiful thing I've ever seen next to your eyes...I say I love your eyes because they are the most beautiful things to ever look at me...I embrace your touch because its warm and loving...I embrace your presence because its solomn and makes me happy...I wish you understood what these words mean...its not that you make me happy, its just being with you is a joyous moment in the lonely life I lead"

Souls

A forgotton soul is a happy soul...see it doesnt have to deal with the pain of rejection because it never knew the happiness of being wanted...it doesnt have to deal with the pain of love because it was never loved nor has it ever loved...it doesnt have to deal with the burden of belonging because its peers never accepted it and it never accepted them...a forgotton soul never knew what it meant to be alive therefore its happiness is the result of its ignorant bliss

Perfect

I love your anger, sadness, happiness and joy...they bring more flavor to our relationship than soy...I love your looks because I know I can lay in my bed with the perfect image of the perfect woman in my head...your a sweety in every sense of the word, regardless of how sour you can be sometimes, but thats only due to our situation that can be solved with time...you are the perfect figurine to hold my soul, whether its hot or cold, your spiciness will always leave me steamy and I love it almost as much as I love your soul which makes me whole like the flames and coals(two halves of the perfect substance)

Love

I thought love was a special emotion you could only truly share with the one you were destined to fill it with, but I've come to realize that its a void your soul and "heart" create for you to have an attraction to someone else...its an empty space that anyone who you feel is treating you right and making you happy at that time could fill...its an empty emotion but we long for it everyday....day after day we put in overtime with our lives trying to fill in those missing tiles and day after day the void grows and grows until we become blind...to what it is we've really been searching for...which is a four letter word with more power to change your whole outlook on life and make it either sweet or sour....its petite in its stature but stands steady when its ready....still its an empty emotion waiting to be filled with someone elses graces, to make you change your faces from happy to sad or from sad to happy....stil its a void created by your "heart" and soul so that, that attraction can become more than a fraction of your intuition and become something of fruition...

thoughts

my thoughts are bleedin your name, my eyes are stained with your frame, my nose is bent off of your heavenly scent, my body yearns for the energies our bodies could burn, in an all night affair of wear and tear, never minding any sprains for that pain is nothing compaired to the pleasure of the greater gain...

She's Imaginary

She's Imaginary...no, not in the sense that she doesnt exist...she's imaginary in the sense that she's raw and uncharted, like the mind of a three year old she's pure and untainted...at least thats what I see when I look at her...her attitude is raw but she's classy, she's sassy but respectful...she's imaginary in the sense that you can only meet someone like her in a dream, though she's real, though she's tainted, I cant see that...I see a dream come true and a reality thats imaginary...

I Wanna

I wanna devour you....I know what your thinking and, no, that's not what I mean.....I wanna get to know you to the point where the only distinction between you and I is our names.....I wanna absorb your likes and dislikes and I want you to absorb my happiness and sadness.....I want you to belong to me, like good belongs to evil.....I want to belong to you like night belongs to day....I wanna drink you until I'm full....again I know what your thinking and, no, that's not what I mean.....I want you to be all the nourishment I need and I need to be the only nutrional value in your life......I want your mental and spiritual to be my mental and spiritual....I want my expressiveness and habitual to be your expressiveness and habitual.....I wanna feel what you feel and I want you to see what I see.....

Smiles

Your smile has a brighter shine than the most perfect moonshine....your style is flawless yet only outclassed by your lawless design....when I think of you my heart skips, like jump ropes in an intense game of scotch....when I see that smile, the one that out shines a perfect moonshine, my mind is blinded with giddy thoughts of happiness and beauty....although your not physically here I've burned a mental image of you into my cornia so I can see you when I blink, sleep or just plain close my eyes....seeing your smile is a good omen on a bad day and the greatest finish to the most perfect of nights....thinking of words to describe how you make me think is inexplicable, though joyous the fete of thinking of you my mind is shot as you smile at me in that seductively flawless smile that out shines the most perfect moonshine that's only outclassed by that lawless design....That's undermind by that impervious style, only incased in the most beautiful of childs....

Dead

I was dead before I hit the street....shot in the chest by a stray bullet....shot out of the mind of a woman who's thoughts were so vivid they manifested themselves into an unintentional weapon....though she never said a word, her actions thought pierced the cavity of my chest and destroyed the resolution I had to persevere and understand why I wanted an ending with her....though she was what I needed I took comfort in what I wanted because it wanted me....though it was a necessity that I let her be with me because I needed her as much as she wanted me....she killed me before my heart could shoot her mind with transcendent actions of feelings unsaid....but felt through every fiber of that fist-sized pump once shot by the misconstrued mind of woman once needed by me....I was dead before I hit the street....shot in the heart by a womans thoughts unspoken....thoughts never clarified and feelings never expressed are the recipe for a destruction scorned even more than death....

Lost and Found

Whats lost is lost, and whats found is found...what was once lost is now found, and what has now been found was once lost....the year has lost a few lives that were close to me...those lives that were lost to me have now found their way to a greater position in their road to everlasting happiness though the loss has brought me and others temporary sadness....those lives that have found their way to Gods side have left me lost and I've found myself in place where memories have lost their appeal but found themselves at the forefront of my thoughts....the lost lives in my world have left me in wrought of despair and I've found myself in a dead stare, numb to the idea of death but shook up by the idea of losing a friend and finding myself here....bare-minded in flare of disgust and despair, even the air around me has lost its pizazz and I find myself snapped back into a real unreality and an unreal reality, confused by what used to be my muse am I to the night and lit up by a by a black sun shining nothing but darkness on me and I'm lost to the light and find myself walking in an infinite night...whilst those lost to life have found a way to always watch over my plight and one day guide me to that light they so gleefully marched through at their own pace with great haste.....

Is your body calling?

Is your body calling?.....Is that insatiable passion burning for the compensation of another human body?.....Is your body calling?.....Is it asking for that ravenous bear-like hunger to be quelled after a periodic hibernation?.....Is your body calling?.....Does it want to be held in a period of pure bliss and sedation?.....Is your body calling?.....Does it need to be seduced into a joyous slumber after a visit from the plummer?.....Is your body calling?.....For the sadistic playfulness of a sun-like possesiveness of your natural sky-like wildness?.....Can you tell me what your body is saying?.....Or is it saying nothing but wants to be led in any good/bad direction because correction isn't a factor in its faction?.....What is your body calling out?.....How do you retort?